Trust is a fragile thing. You’ve probably heard that before. You’ve probably also heard that trust is earned, not given. Or trust is everything. Or maybe trust is even like an eraser: it gets smaller with every mistake. Regardless, the idea of trust is the most basic yet essential component of every single relationship. It is the backbone, the spine of what it means to love another person.
When you trust someone, you allow yourself to be vulnerable. You let that person get close to you. You give that person your heart, your whole soul, and believe that they will take care of you despite all the crap in the world.
You watch that person walk away, trusting that they will be decent and not flirt behind your back or open up to anyone but you. But the thing about trust is that it relies so much on the unknown. It’s a vote of confidence that despite all odds and regardless of what the world says, you believe the person you love won’t do anything bad to you.
Damn. It takes strength!
Trust is certainly one of the most important aspects of a relationship. Whether it’s a brand new relationship or a long-term one, trust is key when it comes to giving your heart and sharing your life with another. You may be asking yourself, can I trust him?
There comes a point in every relationship when you realize you’ve fallen in love with the man you’re with and want to take things to the next level.
Relationships are based on trust, respect and communication. You need all three to have a successful relationship, and they should come naturally when you’re with the right person. However, if one of these things breaks down, the rest will follow pretty quickly. If your partner doesn’t respect you enough to be open, how can you trust them? And if you can’t trust them, how can you be with them?
Whether the broken trust is due to everyday dishonesty, a monumental betrayal, or even past hurts, it can jeopardize a relationship.
Can I be with Someone I don’t Trust?
Over the years of working with countless people, I’ve come to realize that there is nothing as important to a relationship, yet as fragile, as trust. The simple truth is that if you do business and build relationships with trustworthy people, you can weather almost any storm. However, if you are unlucky enough to get into bed with someone who is not trustworthy, even a slight breeze can capsize the relationship.
The temptation to correct trust related issues in others can be very attractive to someone who is trustworthy. But that’s because you understand the value of trust. However, you are dealing with someone who does not. So unless you’re a licensed therapist and you’ve been dealing with this process for years, I would strongly advise against it. Sure, as I said, we all exhibit at least a couple of these behaviors from time to time, and calling someone on them is perfectly appropriate, but if you notice two or more of them over and over again, you need to carefully consider the extent to which that person deserves your trust.
Learning to trust each other
One of the hardest things about trusting someone is learning to trust your own judgment. Trust is about much more than finding signs that your partner has been unfaithful. It’s about believing that the other person has only your best interests at heart.
Everyone is born with a tendency to trust others, but life experiences may have made you less trusting as a form of self-protection. Falling in love and getting married can be invigorating and frightening at the same time. The inability to trust a new partner can take a variety of forms, from feeling that they are dishonest or secretive to doubting that they will keep their promises or be reliable.
Take a moment to consider this: Your partner is not solely responsible for creating feelings of mistrust. In most cases, you must take equal responsibility for creating an atmosphere of safety and security in your relationship. To begin the process of overcoming mistrust, ask yourself:
- What is the story I am telling myself?
- Is my fear of loss and abandonment clouding my vision and causing me to overreact to my partner’s actions?
- Is my distrust coming from something that is actually happening in the present, or is it related to my past?
- Do I feel comfortable asking for what I need and allowing myself to be vulnerable?
- Am I bringing my best self to my interactions with my partner?
- Do I possess self-love and allow myself to be loved and respected?
Many relationships are sabotaged by self-fulfilling prophecies. If you believe your partner will hurt you, you may be unconsciously encouraging hurt to occur in your relationship. However, if you learn day by day to act from the standpoint that your partner loves you and wants the best for you, you can enjoy trust in your marriage.
Did you find this insightful? Find out why Venus is the hottest planet here.